Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Who do I really want to be?
I know who I've been. I know who everyone else wants me to be. I sometimes think I know who I would like to be. But I don't know really know who I want to be. I do know however, that when I answer that last question I will be happier in my life.
It's hard to see over the weeds of every day life. Relentless bills, car repairs, student loans, mortgages, rent payments, and other financial burden makes it hard to focus on ensuring we are on a happy path. Add crazy work schedules, family and social commitments to the mix and it's no wonder most us don't take or have the time to concentrate on ourselves. I too am guilty of missing the garden for the weeds.
I'm also guilty of allowing others' expectations to define who I am. When asked to tell a little about myself I repeat the same thing I always do: "I am Husband, Father, Software Engineer and Apple fanboy". What does that really say about me? No where in that statement is an indicator of who I think I am.
I think the underlying problem is that I don't really have a concrete opinion of who I am and I don't know why. However, I've come to the realization that who I am is always changing and that makes it hard to define . So instead, I have decided to focus on figuring out
who I really want to be.
I'm affirming my intentions with a public declaration:
"I am going to discover who I really want to be."
I am giving my goal a definitive deadline:
"I will discover who I really want to be by the end of December 2009"
I'm going to record my progress:
"I will record my discovery of who I really want to be to see my progress"
I will follow the happy path I uncover:
"I will take immediate action to put myself on the path to who I really want to be."
I will ensure I take the time to stay on the happy path:
"I will not allow anything or anyone to interfere with who I really want to be."
I've decided the easiest way to begin my discovery is to make a list of things that are part of who I really want to be. My list can and will include anything at all. I'm quite sure that some of the things on my list will be things I already possess. It makes sense that I already have some traits of the person I really want to be. It also makes sense that this list will evolve during my discovery. There's no time like the present so let's get this ball rolling.
Who I really want to be (in no particular order):
- Happy
- Thoughtful of others
- Honest, caring, and supportive person
- Financially independent
- Debt free
- Work less
- Enjoy more of the simplicity of life
- A decent fisherman
- Physically fit
- Regularly physically active
- A member of a casual sports team
- Plays board games with the family
- World traveler
- Someone who finds it easy to smile
- Find a calling/charity to be fully passionate about
- Read more interesting books
- Home owner
- Play a brass instrument
- Easily know what is important
- Have a down-to-earth group of real and honest friends
- Spend more time nurturing relationships
- Music lover
- Worry less
- More time outdoors
- Swim more
I believe that my list is a good start. I know that if I try to tackle all of my items at once I'll be destined to fail. Thus, continually fine tuning my list will help me identify major items and groupings. I can then break each one down into distinct tasks I can start doing to get my closer to the path I want to be on.
I've been having a hard time finding things to blog about. I had about ten draft posts that I trashed right before writing this one. I think I've finally found something worth sharing. ;)
